Enough is enough

As much as I had quickly became addicted to my nightly shower ritual of seeing how much hair I could rub off my head. (It was a fun way to pass to time but dang I have a lot of hair, even if it is now only 1/4 of a inch long.) Saturday morning I handed Jen the clippers and said shave it off! So I am now bald, besides the stubble that has yet to fall out.

MY BALD OBSERVATIONS:

1. My head is cold.

2. I can feel the wind on my head as I walk.

3. Little kids really notice when a girl doesn't have hair, even if she has a hat on.

4. It is easier for the wind to blow off your hat (very windy this weekend).

5. I have a mystery scar on the back of my head.

6. People like to smile at you with that "oh you poor thing" smile.

7. Hats make my head sweaty, even though it is still cold.

8. Hot Topic has very cool bandanas.

9. I must learn how to scratch my head gentler.

10. Jaxon and Jen love me no matter what.

Slapped once again!

One must agree that I have had a few slaps in the face over the last few months! Many blessings, lots of good news, but a few bumps along the way. I have dealt and moved on through all of these and I know that I will move past this one. However, today when I got the results of my blood work and saw that my counts were too low, I nearly lost it! Not to mention that this was at 9am, I put a call immediately into my Dr. to find out for sure what the counts meant, and they didn't call be back until 2pm. That was 5 hours of thinking I probably wouldn't have chemo, hoping that I was somehow wrong, WAITING, and just not knowing what my plan for Friday was going to be. If you do not know me very well, you might not know that I LOVE plans and LIVE for plans, not having a plan, having an unexpected change in my plan this DRIVES ME CRAZY! Needless to say, I was a little bit crazy today and A LOT SAD. So no chemo tomorrow, I will get my blood checked next Thurs., if my counts are back up then I can get chemo next Fri. Oh, and don't think I didn't have a calendar in which I had already written down the dates of every chemo appt. I was going to have through Sept.........these dates are now shot to hell! Side note - I did write them down in pencil......just in case!

Quick update and shout out!

So much for the buzz cut. My hair is officially falling out. Now since Friday I have been able to pull at it and it would come out, but now I can basically just touch it and it is falling out. Kind of weird. You can easily see my scalp and I have a few little bald spots.

I get my blood work done tomorrow. My white blood cells have to be at a certain level for me to be able to get chemo on Friday. I am not sure how I will process it, if my count hasn't went back up, that will throw my whole schedule off. Yes, I know I shouldn't have the whole next 7 months scheduled out....but i do!!

I super big shout out to my awesome co-workers who all wore hats yesterday! It was my first day to wear a hat to work. What amazing people and what great support they continue to provide.

New New Haircut!!!!

Weekend in Poplar Bluff

We took a quick weekend trip to Poplar Bluff to visit family. Thought it would be a good idea to visit family while I was feeling so good. Well we had a good visit, but my "feeling good" took a turn for the worst. My 3 small mouth sores turned into 5 rather large sores and a swollen right cheek. My lymph nodes under my jaw become swollen and sore. Probably totally unrelated I had a horribly stiff neck most of the weekend with significant pain. Oh ya, my hair started falling out. So much for feeling good. At least we had a good weather on Saturday, unlike the weather in Springfield.

I made a quick trip to the Dr. today, since my mouth sores seemed out of control. Guess what, I received more medicine! I am actually happy about this medicine. Something to numb my mouth so that I can eat and another that will hopefully heal my mouth sores. The bad news is that this is probably a side affect of chemo which will likely continue over the next few months.

Since my hair had started to fall out I went all out this afternoon and got my hair buzzed off! If I can get my computer to cooperate I will put up a picture.

I DON'T LIKE MEDICINE!!!

I had a Drs. appt. yesterday. My white blood cell count was indeed low - 1.6 (Normal 4 - 11), as was my platelets. Actually most things were low but those seemed to be the lowest. They said that is what was to be expected on day 10 after chemo. They are going to get me another anti-nausea medicine to take the next time I have a chemo treatment. They MADE me start taking a anti-viral because I had a mouth sore (today I have 3). They MADE me start taking a antibiotic just as a precaution since my counts were so low. The antibiotic could make my Achilles tendon tear. Well that is more likely if I was over 60, but really a medicine that can make your "muscles break". That doesn't sound good to me. But I am being a good patient and taking my medicines....cussing and screaming all the way!!!! I have a rash all over my neck, chest and back, they didn't know why, it seems to be a mystery. Still have hair, well what is left of it after the BIG haircut. I little fatigued but besides that I am feeling good. My next chemotherapy session is scheduled for March 26th 10am. I will get my blood checked the day before and if my counts have went back up then we are good to go. I will also see the Dr. on the 26th. I have went ahead and scheduled an appt. in April to see an OB GYN to discuss having my ovaries removed. I have also went ahead and scheduled a follow up with my surgeon in May to discuss the double mastectomy further (he will then refer me to a plastic surgeon to discuss reconstruction options).

SHOUT OUT!!!!

I wanted to give a shout out to the St. Agnes 5th class and especially Klaire. What a super sweet girl you are Klaire for telling your class about me. I thank you so much for the cards and prayers.

White Blood Cells

Well tomorrow marks the 1st day of the NADAR period. Supposedly my white blood cells will be at their lowest for the next 4 days. I am dying to go get my blood tested tomorrow just so I can know what is really going on. It seems kind of random that I will just wake up tomorrow and have a low WBC count. Maybe I will but it sure would make sense to know for sure. But lots of things really don't make sense anymore, I will just wait until Monday morning and get my blood tested (when scheduled) and see where the WBC count is then. In the meantime...... NO GERMS PLEASE. Just in case :)

Other random thoughts:

I have this stupid port and it isn't going anywhere, and although it doesn't hurt, it sure does seem to get in my way!

My hair, could be falling out any day. Thought I was excited about this but this too seems a little random. Supposedly one morning I will wake up and it will just start falling out. Just seems odd. Have went from planning on getting a buzz to scheduling to get a "nice" short haircut. That way I am ready for it to fall out but if my hair decides to take its time I can enjoy a "cool" cut that I probably would otherwise never have gotten. I will have some clippers on standby when the time comes!

Lastly, good news, I was afraid Jen would bring home some kind of HAZ MAT outfit for me to wear to work tomorrow. But so far, so good. I will just use lots of hand sanitizer!

The Weekend

Wrapping up the weekend. Went much better than Friday evening. Overall just a little queasy and a little tired, more so yesterday than today. Was able to get out both days and enjoy the weather and some Jaxon time. Trying to watch what I am eating. Sticking with smaller portions, more "comfort" foods. Nancy (Jen's mom) made Shepard's pie, which was just what the Dr. ordered. Planning on heading back to work tomorrow with my THREE anti - nausea meds, hope to make it through the day.

No planned Drs. appts this upcoming week. Next Friday through Monday (12th - 15th) will be my NADAR time. This means my white blood cells will be at their lowest. Expecting Jen to all but quarantine me in the house during that time!

They say my hair should start falling out within 10 days, tentatively plan on shaving it next weekend!

The Evening From Hell!!!

First things first, probably a little silly but I made Jen take a picture

yesterday so I could post the not so scary "Chemo room". Everyone

was very nice. They tried to sing happy birthday to me, but I declined!

It did not hurt when they accessed my port. I had used topical

lidocaine on the port site an hour earlier. (Thanks D&T the press and

seal Saran Wrap, worked wonderfully). I was a bit drowsy with my

pre-meds (anti-nausea meds) and had a little bit of a sinus reaction

with my chemo meds. We were there about 2 1/2 hours. Left feeling

great.

Things took a turn for the worse around 2pm when I begin feeling slightly nauseous which led to

vomiting about 1 1/2 later. This was followed by 4 more episodes of vomiting and the most awful

headache I have ever experienced. This misery lasted to around 9pm when I was finally able to fall

asleep. Jen woke me up around midnight to take some more meds and I was feeling pretty good.

After that I woke up frequently, one of the meds I am taking is supposed to interrupt your sleep, it did!

I am feeling decent this morning. I am going to keep on top of my meds today and eat lots of small

meals and hope for the best.

Thanks for all the calls and text yesterday you are all amazing!

Twas the night before chemo

I am not sure how I am supposed to feel but I mostly just feel tired tonight. I didn't get good sleep last night. I had dreams about chemo all night. I hope tonight is more restful. I thought I would be really nervous and anxious but not really, maybe because I am so sleepy. Maybe because I am blessed to be surrounded by so many people who have went out of their way to make me feel so special today! It has been an awesome day. Jen is going with me tomorrow so I know I will be alright. Whatever happens I know she will take care of me and if I feel just fine she will try to baby me anyways! I will try to post tomorrow and give a little summary of the day.

The Calm Before the Storm

This weekend we took a little trip, which was perfect timing to get away from it all. I was able to spend some time with my family and some of our most wonderful friends before treatments start. Thanks to my friends and family for a great weekend.