One of my frequent dilemmas is when I run into someone I know and I wonder if I should blurt out "I have cancer!" It is really not in my nature to complain. And in my head, blurting out that I have cancer falls into the complaining category. So I just chat with whomever it is that I have ran into, waiting and kind of hoping they will say "hey you don't have any hair, what's up?" : ) Knowing that maybe they are thinking "Um, something seems wrong here, does Dana not have any hair. I wonder what is wrong. I hate to be nosey and ask" Then we finish our conversation. Then Jen always says "did they ask?" I say no and then we basically have the above conversation, and I regret not telling them. In my mind I would much rather someone know what is going on then to have them wonder. It makes me stressed for them. This is a little narcissistic, assuming that they spend a great amount of their time pondering my baldness. This again happened today. I ran into one of my old coworkers whom was pregnant. I ask her if she was pregnant and she said "no its a tumor" That could have been a great opening to my cancer but I didn't take it. Oh well.
I was a little disappointed that I still had a little bit of dizziness Fri. into Sat. I had hoped that working so hard earlier in the week would have helped with this but maybe it has nothing to do with what I am eating or drinking. I do think overall I felt better from Thurs. on. My throat is only slightly raw and I have just been a little tired. So hopefully I can keep the mouth sores subdued next week and I will be on my way to my one relatively normal week before we do it all over again. My next chemo should be May 14th.
Only one more time with this chemo medicine. It is a good thing, because anyone in their right mind would not put themselves through that kind of hell too many times. I am already having to prep myself for one more round. Anytime, I think about chemo, the cancer building, try to read a book about cancer, etc., I get a little bit queasy.
I have been wanting to post some new pics but tonight I realized that I really don't have any pics of myself. I will work on this!
Only one more time for this stuff. I'm glad.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to know, what to say when. (I mess that one up in my own life much of the time, on easier stuff than this.) With physical 'differences', indicators that Something's Wrong, I think it's hard to ask--feels intrusive, and like "maybe she doesn't want to talk about it", like maybe they'd forgotten and we'd be reminding them! ;) Dumb! Or like we' be left with knowing how we can't do anhything. And feeling guilty.
And I think it scares us to see evidence of our human frailty. Like if we don't think about those things, they can't get us. Really dumb.